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February 13th, 2007 (12:09 pm)

I'm Not Okay, I'm:: bored
The Music or the Misery:: ELO - Strange Magic

Title: I Can Still Hear His Voice In My Head
Fandom: Goth Detectives
Genre: Slash, innit.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Vauge mention of sex.
Pairings: Russell Brand/Noel Fielding
Summary: Russell's POV on the relationship. Very short, very disjointed.
Disclaimer: Do I look like I own them.

I can still hear his voice in my head.

The first words we ever spoke to each other. I still remember the day so well. The first time we met and knew our lives would change forever. We didn’t know how or why. Just that we would never be the same. With a simple greeting and a smile, I became addicted to something far more beautiful and intoxicating, yet much more noxious than heroin I am so well known for once being on.

I can still hear his voice in my head.

The way he moaned. The way he said my name. The way he screamed as he came. His breathless whispers in the darkness. Words falling from his kiss swollen of absolute adoration in the times we were perfect and complete. The nights were language was almost an unnecessary tool. We were too lost in each other. Sex was becoming less meaningless when I was with him.

I can still hear his voice in my head.

The day I walked into his flat and he asked me to sit down. A few pleasantries were exchanged, but everything was different. He told me it was over. His voice was so cold. So distant. It wasn’t right. I don’t get left. I leave. An outbreak of shouts and obscenities and it was the end of something. The end of something that, for a short time, made me not loathe myself to the same extent I did. I forgot it all and now it was over.

Why can’t I get his voice out of my head?

I hate him. I fucking hate him for everything he’s done to me. I will carry on as normal. I will continue to be me. No one will ever know what happened. No one will know that it is possible for someone like me to feel something more than carnal pleasures. Nothing can become something and even more so than that. But it never will be again.