I'm Not Okay, I'm:: tired
The Music or the Misery:: The Mighty Boosh - Calm A Llama Down
Title: Waking Up Alone
Fandom: Goth Detectives
Pairing: Noel Fielding/Russell Brand
Genre: Slash, fluff, romance etc.
Warnings: Just a bit too fluffy.
Noel hated waking up alone. But, after every night spent with his lover, he woke up alone. Russell just didn’t hang around. There were other places to be, other beds to wake up in. Yet, every morning, Noel woke up hopeful, that this morning was different. With his eyes still closed, he’d reach around, and upon finding him gone again, he’d grab a hold of the other pillow on his bed, which would smell of Russell’s skin, and hug it close to his chest until he drifted off to sleep again.
And this particular winter morning was no different. Not yet, at least. Noel’s slender arms were wrapped tightly around the duck feather filled pillow with eyeliner smeared across the baby blue cover. He took in a deep breath, the all too familiar scent filling his senses as he returned to a state of restless sleep. He shivered, instinctively pulling his duvet up to his neck and shifting further into his bed.
But, Noel’s sleep was soon interrupted by the sound of his mobile phone ringing loudly. He turned over in his bed, feeling around blindly until he found his mobile. Strangely, right before he answered it, it stopped ringing. Bleary blue eyes opened a crack to check the missed call. It was a blocked number, causing Noel to swear under his breath. He decided to give up on sleep for the day, sitting up in his bed. His duvet slid down his torso, the icy air stinging his pale skin as he stretched, wrapping his fingers around his metal headboard. He dropped his arms back down, his fingers drumming softly on Russell’s pillow which was now resting in his lap. After yawning and blinking a few times to wake himself up, he slid his legs out from under his duvet and sheets which needed a good cleaning. He stood, curling his toes in the carpet as he stretched again, his pallid skin taut over his chest. Noel stumbled blindly towards his en suite bathroom. He needed to have a long, hot shower. Wake himself up and wash his hair of yesterday’s hair spray and last night’s sweat.
A couple of hours passed before Noel was satisfied with what stared back at him in the full length mirror hanging from the back of his bedroom door. His hair fell perfectly imperfect, ebony fringe falling in bright blue eyes surrounded by jet black eyeliner. He wore a shirt which brought out the colour of his eyes and tight fitting jeans that matched the shade of his locks. His glossed lips formed into a weak smile before he finally left the sanctity of his bedroom to go about his day. Noel turned to head into his small kitchen but he was stopped by seeing something out of the corner of his eye. He turned on his heels, donning a confused expression as he walked towards his glass coffee table. On top of the usual stack of music and fashion magazines sat something that was not there when he’d gone to bed the previous night. It was a single red rose, a black ribbon tied around the stem. Noel picked it up, and without thinking, placing his thumb against a thorn. But he didn’t notice the pin prick feeling in his appendage as he lifted the rose to his nose, smelling it’s sweet scent. He smiled before noticing a piece of paper with two words scribbled in black ink. All the piece of paper said was ‘Turn around.’ Noel followed the instructions he’d been given, smiling at who he saw standing behind him.
“Good morning. Sorry to wake you up with that phone call. I couldn’t wait all day for you to wake up on your own.” Russell grinned, tilting his head to one side. He obviously hadn’t gone home. His hair was messy, his eyeliner a mess and still wearing yesterday’s clothes. He looked perfect, in Noel’s opinion.
“Alright?” Noel replied, still smiling, “What’re you doing here? I thought you’d gone.”
“We need to talk.” Russell said simply, taking a few steps forward. He wrapped his arms around Noel’s slim hips, “Well, we need to talk after I do this.” He added, leaning in to place his lips against Noel’s. Naturally, his glossed lips parted, as did Russell’s, their tongues meeting, forming a deep and passionate kiss, their desire and need for one another evident. This kiss reminded Russell why he was still there that morning. He pulled back, his seductive eyes staring deeply into Noel’s. He could get lost in those eyes for hours if he didn’t have something on his mind. “We need to talk.” He repeated. Noel nodded,
“Is everything okay?” he asked as he turned, walking towards his sofa. He flopped down onto the black sofa, crossing his legs in front of him. He watched as Russell, who was obviously trying to decipher his own thoughts and put them into words that would actually make sense out loud, sit down beside him. Noel was unsure how to feel about this whole situation. What did Russell have to say? The three or four seconds it took Russell to sit down and make himself comfortable seemed like an eternity while Noel waited for this conversation to begin.
“No. Everything’s not okay.” Russell finally answered seriously. Noel’s heart suddenly sank to the pit of his stomach.
“Oh...” Noel looked down, he had a pretty good inkling of what was going on here.
“Noel...” Russell began, taking a deep breath and standing back up again, as if walking around would help him articulate his thoughts. He could out talk most of the British population, but this was different. Sure, he could stand in front of a crowd and tell them all his views on masturbation and his assorted past drug problems, but he couldn’t find the right words to say in front of one man he knew very well. This was never going to be easy. “you drive me absolutely crazy, you know that, right? You constantly irritate me, yet, I find myself wanting to be with you every fucking irritating second. And when I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you. You have done something so many people have tried to do and I have successfully managed to stop from happening with everyone else. Noel, you have taken up permanent residence in my head, and I’ll be honest, it makes me uncomfortable.” He paused, sighing heavily as he looked at Noel who was finally looking up at him. “But do you know why you irritate me? I’ll tell you. I find myself so jealous of you. You’re so loved, but still pretty much off the radar from the public eye. You’re so beautiful and so amazing in every single fucking way, so of course, there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t consider ending this, because I know you’re far too good for me. I want to spend actual time with you outside of sex, not saying I don’t love the sex. It’s amazing. But you know what I mean.” He paused again, “But you know what irritates me the most about you, Noel?” he asked, taking a deep breath, but not giving him the time to answer, “The fact that you make me unbelievably happy. And that terrifies me!” he snapped, “Do you have any idea how frightening this all is for me? I’ve spent ages injecting God knows what into my body and fucking anyone who even showed a remote interest in me, just for a few brief seconds to feel, what I thought at the time, was happiness. It wasn’t even remotely close to what I feel every second I’m with you. That’s why I run off. That’s why I try so hard to not make a connection. Because you’ve turned me into everything I used to say I would never become. This rather pathetic emotional freak, who has been talking pretty much non stop for five minutes, and still can’t manage to actually say what I wanted to say.” Russell gasped, looking at Noel for some sort of answer or meaning. Noel blinked, he could feel tears stinging the corners of his eyes as he smiled,
“I love you too, Russell.” He breathed, standing up and walking to where the vulnerable mess that was Russell Brand stood in his living room. These words had not passed his lips before, yet they felt so right. He pressed his lips against Russell’s again, but this time it was only for a second. “Say it.” He whispered against the other man’s lips. “Just say it.” Russell moved his face away, his only partially grown in beard scratching against Noel’s skin as he moved towards his ear. Noel could feel Russell’s warm breath on his ear, sending a shiver down his spine.
“I love you.” he breathed before moving down slightly to place a kiss on Noel’s neck. Noel’s eyes slipped shut as he made a contented ‘hmmm’ing noise, feeling Russell sucking on his neck, marking his perfect ivory skin, almost as if he were branding him as his own. Russell stopped, looking at the bright pink blotch on his skin. He moved his face to look back into Noel’s eyes. “Want to go back to bed?” he asked, an eyebrow arched over his seductive eyes.
“Only if you promise to stay there this time.” Noel replied.
“I don’t think I’ll ever leave.” Russell answered truthfully as Noel grabbed his hand and pulled him back into his bedroom where the two remained for the rest of the day and night.